Art for Heart's Sake

Struggling a Bit Today!

Hi there, as the heading of this post suggests, yes I'm struggling a bit today.  I am only going to say this one sentence because I don't want to bore you with my angst - ''I miss Sabah so much it hurts deeply inside my heart and I would give anything to have him snuggling down to sleep between my legs at night, even though it was slightly inconvenient in terms of turning over sometimes!!''  Phew, there that last bit made me giggle so I needed to say it!

It's another beautiful day here today although ever so slightly, good grief, chilly this morning.  Rather lovely though!  I've just finished cutting up the rest of the Reefton peaches and they are on the stove cooking gently, ready for me to freeze them for winter treats.

We are counting down to our trip now, only 13 days until we leave and I'm in a minor state of panic, wondering what I haven't done yet etc.  Am also worried about not sleeping on the plane because we have two night flights with one day in Singapore inbetween and I don't sleep well on planes.  I was going to make a hop pillow (hops are fabulous relaxants) but it was pointed out to me that they look a bit like marijuana and the sniffer dogs would have a field day because they are in the same family!  Crikey.. not a good mental image of me being frisked all for the sake of a night's sleep!

We have my early birthday celebration at a local vineyard tomorrow.  It's a gorgeous spot - you take your own picnic and enjoy their wine which is gorgeous!  There were going to be 27 of us but I think there might only be around 20 now which is a shame.  The weather is destined to be GORGEOUS so I might even splash out and wear a dress... GASP!  Not my new one though!

I'd better go and stir the peaches and then get outside and water like a crazy woman!  Smiles..

Crikey, It's Chilly This Morning!

MORNING!!  There, I didn't say hi, giggle!  I'm feeling a teensy, tiny bit more bright this morning.  I took myself off to bed at about 9.10pm last night, partly I will admit, to stop all of my thoughts re Sabah tumbling through my head.  We didn't sleep very well the night before and I really was tired.  I haven't got my usual energy I have to say - it was a real effort walking Chester up the hill today.  I guess that's to be expected with everything that's happened.

John and I went to a Singapore Airlines PPS lunch yesterday (I think I mentioned it in yesterday's post) and the food was DIVINE!  Not only that but they had Moet et Chandon bubbles by the glass so I indulged (we weren't paying!).  There was quite a bit of laughter which was a much needed tonic.

OOOh I bought a dress at a local retail chain store called Glassons.  It has pretty good quality, affordable clothing and I always manage to find a treasure or two there.  The dress is red and a heavy-weight stretchy Rayon/Nylon/Spandex (sounds horrible, giggle) material. Hmmm hard to describe!  It has a ''v'' at the back with a long zip, a plain tunic with a scoop neck and then the dress flares out slightly from the waist to just above my knee.  It's the first time I've looked at myself in the mirror and thought ''WOW'' for a very long time and it was so reasonably priced.  I have a small waist and I don't tend to make the most of it!  I'm going to take the dress with me overseas, even though it's pretty heavy.  Just perfect to wear for my birthday dinner in Rome.  I can also see me wearing it here with black boots and my black leather bomber jacket in winter.  I spend most of my life in jeans so maybe it's time I showed off my femininity more - I'm turning 50 after all.  Crikey and far out!  Age doesn't bother me at all because I don't think anyone is old until they're over 95, if then, I just can't believe I've been on this earth almost 50 years.

Today we are off out for lunch with friends who can't make my birthday picnic celebration at a vineyard this Sunday.  I'm also going to get some dried hops to make a small hop pillow to take on the plane because we have two night flights with a day of non-sleeping in between and I don't sleep well on planes generally!  I'm hoping to change that this time or I will be doggo for the first few days and I need to make the most of ROME! 

I'm off to plant some yellow evening primrose seedlings, a white geranium, blue violas and a few perennial forget-me-nots on darling Sabah's grave, talking to him non-stop while I do it of course!  Smiles...

Phew, and a Blasted Courier Van!

Hi, well all I can really say is phew, I'm exhausted!  What a roller coaster of a day yesterday was in so many ways. 

Firstly, Mary honey, thank you so much for your lovely comment yesterday.  You are such a sweetheart and I will definitely print out my post and put it in the gorgeous, gorgeous minibook you made me.  Lots of love...

Ruth honey, your email was just lovely and if we haven't already replied, we will really soon!

Sabah came back inside around 9am and went straight into his favourite spot in our hot water cupboard for the morning.  John was at work so I started preparing Sabah's grave up by the studio.  I did have a quiet chuckle to myself when I realised the ground was pretty much rock hard so at once stage I had to get the pickaxe - this made me feel like a real grave digger!  It was cathartic in a strange way to be making sure Sabah's resting place would be just perfect.  John helped with it when he got home.  I put the old cape-style woollen jersey (jumper) that was in his bed at the bottom of the hole so I could put some of it over him too.

The vet and a nurse came at 2pm and we got Sabah out of the cupboard.  This is the only thing I regret horribly - John had put Chester in the car and taken him down the drive towards our pond just so we wouldn't have to deal with him barking - so Kelly (our vet) got Sabah out of the cupboard and carried him to the bedroom.  I don't know why I didn't do it and I'm still kicking myself so badly about that.  I feel very sad that I didn't get to carry him that last time.  I had to get a towel in case he wet himself after the injection and when I came back into the room he was trying to claw his way over the bed away from them.  Crikey, it's hard writing this part!  I held Sabah on the bed while they shaved a tiny patch on his paw by which stage John was back with us.  I got on the bed and sat behind Sabah with my hands on his lovely body as they injected him.  This is the truly lovely part - he just slipped away very quickly and totally peacefully.  They warned us he might urinate and possibly twitch and gasp but he did nothing like that.  After they left we sat with him for around 10 mins and cried, then carried him on the towel and bed padding up his grave.  I lifted him gently down into it and we placed his favourite hand puppet toys, ''cow'', ''rat'' and ''cat'' (oh how he fought with the cat hand puppet!) with him, a squeaky stuffed mouse we got him in Singapore and a piece of kyanite (mineral).  I covered him gently with soil by hand until I could bear to use a spade to do it. 

I hope you don't mind my writing this, it really helps to write about it.  Our darling Sabah is at peace now and I'm SO SO SO thankful we decided not to get him cremated.  I woke up in the early hours of this morning and it was so comforting to know he was just over the drive by my studio.  I am going to plant some plants over him today, I just have to find the ones that are just right for him.  I keep thinking about not picking him up out of the cupboard but each time I do I'm replacing that thought with the time I spent with stroking him and talking to him when he was in the cupboard and that helps.

We had to go into Richmond yesterday pm to get the car warrant of fitness done although I honestly think we were two stunned mullets so it would have been better not to.  I think we thought doing something would take our minds off him.  Needless to say our afternoon went from stressful to worse when a courier van backed into the passenger door of Elgar, our toyota corolla who had just passed his warrant!! 

I'm not proud of this next part but I just lost the plot.  I got out of the car and said (rather loudly I fear and we were outside our local mall) ''we've just killed our cat this afternoon and now this happens.  This is just the end for me'', and burst into tears bigtime.  I apologised profusely through my tears to the courier driver straight away.  He must have wondered what on earth he'd struck (apart from the car).  Needless to say I got back in the car and howled.  I was just so overwrought. 

We toasted Sabah last night with a bottle of our favourite bubbly and looked at some of the gorgeous photos we have on our computers.  We are going to get some printed off when we get back and do a mini book about his life.

Chester got a treat this morning.. he was allowed up on our bed before we got up and I have a feeling it is going to be a morning ritual from now on.  I do want to get another cat at some stage but I need time to heal.  No other cat will ever be able to fill the hole that Sabah has left.

Today we are going out for lunch with the Singapore Airlines PPS club.  I can't say either of us really feel like going - I just hope I can force myself to make conversation about worldly things like travel.  Hmmmmm.   I'm off outside to choose some plants for darling Sabah.  Smiles..

Putting Sabah to Sleep Today

Hi, this is going to be a rather emotional post but I don't want it to be a sad one.  We have made the decision to put Sabah down today.  He has had slight diarrhoea and this morning I could see some blood in it which is a sure sign his intestines/bowel are in strife.  We could take him to the vet for antibiotics and anti-inflammatories etc but the BEST thing for HIM is to let him go.  We had an appointment for the vet to come here next Wednesday to put him to sleep but I just can't bear to think of him suffering for that extra week.  We know he has cancer and that it is spreading so it's not fair to him, no matter how hard it is for us to do this.

Sabah is an incredibly special cat for many reasons.  Firstly he grew up on the streets of Singapore before we got him at the age of around four months from the Society for the Protection of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA).   We remember asking if we could get him out of the cage - ''only if you are serious about wanting him'' was the answer.  We said yes (even though we weren't really sure) and the minute John held him Sabah cuddled up under his chin.  That was it, we were sold. 

He started life with us in our apartment above Boat Quay which was pretty tiny.  I remember one day I had the windows open out over the streets.  We were on the 13th floor (lucky 13!!) and there were a couple of window boxes out there too.  My heart jumped into my throat when I realised little Sabah (who was all racing car legs, big eyes and big ears) was standing on the outer edge of one of the window boxes.  Crikey!  Needless to say I coaxed him back in VERY quickly and that was the last time I opened the windows (it was way too hot anyway, what was I thinking!).  I used to take him down to the 4th floor (I think it was) in the lift on a halter so he'd know what grass was.

We moved to a big house with a large garden soon after that and at first we let Sabah out and about, even though we knew there were possibly pythons etc in the large drains that bordered our property.  Needless to say I ALWAYS made sure he was in at night, and have to this day because I know that's when most cats have fights, go missing etc.  We were in Singapore when SARS was happening and one of our neighbours had a couple of her cats stolen, only to find them in a cage at the bottom of one of their Chinese neighbours, starving to death.  That was it for me, that was the last time we let him out in Singapore so he became a very happy indoor cat for just over a year.   John was travelling a lot and he was my constant companion.

His next big adventure was flying from Singapore to Wellington in August 2004 where he stayed in a cattery (my favourite one) for four weeks before joining us here in early September.  I was stunned and very happy that he didn't need to be quarantined at all!  I can only imagine what went through his mind when he saw his 5 acres of land!!!  Crikey!

In late 2005 (I think) he was diagnosed with inflammatory bowel disease.  He looked really healthy so the vet was loathe to operate but he had been vomiting a lot and was very dehydrated plus she could see and feel a blockage in his intestines.  I told her just to do it and when she phoned me afterwards she told me around 8 things that she found, the main one being 8cm of intestine that was inflamed and ''bubbly'' - no wonder he'd been so ill.  His spleen was also non-existent so he'd been kicked at some stage in his very young life.  I can't remember what else she found.  He was put on a special diet with hydrolysed protein because his body couldn't process real protein.

Over the past few years he's had occasional flare-ups (when he's eaten a bird or a rabbit!!!) but apart from that he's been a very happy, delightful boy.  He has caused me anxiety when he's been very sick and has not come in at night but that's just because I love him so much.

One of the most delightful things to watch is Sabah and John playing ''Mr Sock''.  This game started one morning in Singapore when John was sitting on the bed putting on his socks.  I think Sabah grabbed at one so John put it on his hand and did the ''puppetry'' thing with it.  Sabah never failed to join in - diving at John's hand making fighting noises.  He used to kick the stuffing out of that sock, so much so that John had to start wearing two!  Just gorgeous!

Sabah honey, you have given us such joy, laughter and fun.  You've been my companion for the last nine years and I'll miss calling you to follow me down to the kitchen garden and playing chase, plus hide and seek behind trees.   We'll miss you asking for a drink from the sink in the bathroom and watching your tiny tail going round and round like windmill while you drink. 

Most of all, we'll remember you ALWAYS with total love and affection and are so thankful that you have touched our lives in such a big way.  We are the lucky ones to have taken care of you.  Love you Sabah honey.  Rest peacefully!   Big smiles straight to your heart!

 

In Love with Polystyrene Boxes!

Giggle.. yes I'm besotted!  John has found a source of polystyrene boxes that are used to pack fish that is sent to restaurants.  This may sound a little fishy or ''pongy'' (NZ for smelly) but they are just wonderful to use in my nursery.  He has bought home around 15 so far and I need about another 25 at least.  These wonderful boxes hold 12 of my perennial pots and I can now see at a glance how many of each variety I have.  I'll also be able to carry the boxes into the farmshed to do any maintenance/repotting of the plants too which is just fabulous. Up until now I've had to carry them in 2's or 3's or just work on them in the nursery which is okay but I get a sore back.  Yay for polystyrene boxes and we are doing the environment a favour by using them too.  At least they aren't being dumped at the landfill.

Sabah came in around 9.30am yesterday so I shut him in for the day.  His tum is still a bit upset but no vomiting overnight.  I also don't think he's peeing much because of his enlarged kidney.  I let him out this morning and he's been back 3x for food but I just saw him race across the lawn at 100mph towards next door - something scared him.  I hope he doesn't stay away now.  Crikey, yes I am a bit uptight where he's concerned!  I'm still wondering if we ought to be putting him down this week instead of next.. it's so hard!

This morning I'm off to the optician for a field test - all part of getting older or so I'm told, giggle.  Then I'm going to get some pretty ribbon for a pair of cheap-as-chips casual shoes I bought to take with me on our trip, just to give them a bit of zing! 

This pm I will do some weeding in the Oak Garden and maybe plant a couple of things too.  Ack I'd better get going or I'll be late for my eye appointment.  Smiles..

My Gut Feelings are Always Right, Blast It!

Hi, yikes it's one week and 2 days until we put Sabah down and this morning I just had a feeling we shouldn't let him out today and I wish I'd listened to my gut feelings!  Yesterday he was doing his ''coming in for something to eat, seeing me, running out'' thing which he usually does when he's feeling under the weather.  Last night he used his dirt box which is quite unusual for him and he came and sat on our laps (something he hasn't done for weeks now in the evening).  Early this morning he was pacing up the bed around my pillow and tried to settle but couldn't.  He did eventually but this morning I was really sure he wasn't feeling great. 

We want him to enjoy his last few days (geez I hate saying that!!) so I went against my better judgement and let him out, only to discover about 30mins later he'd used his dirt box again and was sick too.  Oh crikey, I just hope he comes back in soon so I can keep him inside.  If he gets worse we may have to put him down earlier.  The last thing we want is for him to suffer!

That aside (oh how I love you, Sabah) yesterday I got the rest of the kitchen garden mulched and it was such a great feeling.  I suddenly realised I was exhausted.. I guess the 2 weeks of working out there has caught up with me.  I need to buy one more bale of barley straw just to mulch one garden completely - oh wait! that means I haven't finished yet, aaaaggggggggggh, giggle!

Today I'm going to harvest more tomatoes and peaches and start working on the Oak Garden.  I'd better go and walk Chester.  Keep your fingers crossed for me, re Sabah coming in.  When he's feeling ill he tends to stay away!  Crikey...

A Tidy Potting Area!

Morning!!  It's Sunday and we've just finished our delicious breakfast cooked on the barbeque - bacon, tomatoes and mushrooms, yum!  It's our weekly treat and I'm so thankful we have a barbeque on our verandah outside our dining area.  We use it several times a week!

Yesterday I managed to get the gooseberry patch mostly weeded.  Some of the weeds are right in the middle of the darling prickly! bushes so I'll wait until winter to really get into the middle of them I think.  I wasn't feeling brave enough yesterday.  I also got half the raspberry patch weeded too, which is the last!!! bed in the KG to be done.  I still have to mulch around 3 (including the raspberry one) but I am getting there.

The rain that was predicted didn't really happen, just a bit of drizzle here and there - most frustrating!  I spent a couple of hours in the afternoon tidying up my potting area in our farmshed which is at the top of our drive next to our garage (a photo to follow so you know where it is).  Here is a photo of it after I'd tidied.  I was going to take a before but I thought you might shriek!  Giggle.  I'm about to tromp out to the KG and finish the raspberry bed now.  Smiles..

Crikey, What a Dahlia!!

Isn't he (looks like a he to me!) just so handsome!  I'd completely forgotten I'd planted this dahlia.  I think I put it in 2 years ago and it didn't do anything much last year because the Oak Garden was a bit neglected that year.  I love the dark red stems which contrast so well with the foliage too.  Just yummy!

It's a grey, blustery breeze sort of day today and rain is expected to set in pretty soon.  I'm hoping to get a chance to week some of the gooseberry or raspberry patches in the KG before it starts.  Then I'm planning on spring cleaning my potting area in the farmshed which will be no mean feat I can tell you!  The only thing I don't really enjoy is having to wear a dust mask because there is old potting mix dust around and that can harbour legionella bacteria so it's a necessary evil.  At least I've managed to find some basic dust masks that don't cause my glasses to fog up when I breath!!

I also need to harvest the rest of the reefton peaches and cook some to put in the freezer.. oh heck, will I have the room??!!!  Off to battle I go... can't wait to get outside!  Smiles..

Jelly Photo

Just couldn't wait until tomorrow to share!  Smiles...

Quince Jelly Made, Phew!

.. and it's BEAUTIFUL!  Crystal clear and setting perfectly - I am one happy girl and I think it's the best I've made yet!  Especially as I had to cook another 1.5kg of quince late yesterday so I'd have enough liquid to make jelly (I made a mess of it the day before and got less than one cup).  At least I've managed to use some of our quince before we go away.

Speaking of that, it is 3 weeks today that we go - no wonder my mind is like a washing machine with thoughts tumbling over themselves all day, every day and sometimes in the middle of the night.  Phoop!

I was meant to be getting together with my lovely group of girlfriends today and I would so have loved to be able to spend the day ''playing'' but I honestly couldn't spare more than around an hour or so, so I'm popping in early this pm.  

Oooh I managed to get most of the rest of the blueberry patch weeded yesterday afternoon because it clouded over and this morning I have just finished it so it is now ready for mulching tomorrow.  I need to put the hose on it first because even though we've had some rain the ground in some parts of that bed is really dry. 

I'd better get off this computer and carry on outside.  OOh John has found me a source of polystyrene boxes that are just the right size to use in my nursery so I am hoping to be able to organise my plants in a far more efficient way too.  Yipppeeee!  That's where I'm heading now!  Big smiles...